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Priapus, The Greek God With A Comically Huge Dick

Ancient Greek art tended to portray heroes with cute little penises tucked neatly away. But that rule went straight out the window if you were talking about the Greek god Priapus, who was more commonly portrayed like this:

Priapus was the son of Aphrodite. The legend goes that the queen of the gods, Hera, was jealous of Aphrodite’s superior beauty, so she cursed Aphrodite’s son to be born hideous, and with a comically oversized schlong. Basically, he would be Ron Jeremy.

The sight of Priapus offended the small-dick-loving Greek gods, so he was cast out of Mount Olympus and lived on Earth with a bunch of satyrs, people with horse-like features who taught him how to live in harmony with nature and fuck just … everything